


washing machine heart

by undread



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Bullying, Death Threats, Enemies to Lovers, Fighting, Gay Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Gay Owada Mondo, Gay Panic, Harassment, Homophobia, Jealousy, Kinda, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Tension Of Some Strange Sort, Violence, What else is new, but it's just barely referenced, celestia is horrible as always, gone wrong but only kinda, mondo yelling when he's nervous, non-con kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:27:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29806341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undread/pseuds/undread
Summary: baby, though i've closed my eyesi know who you pretend i ami know who you pretend i am
Relationships: Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 70





	washing machine heart

**Author's Note:**

> eyyyy longest fic i've ever written check! this was 25 pages in my notebook. seriously. ong.
> 
> this isn't written that great. it's long as hell but that don't mean it's good lmao.

Kiyotaka had mixed feelings on Mondo.

He would stare at the biker with contempt, annoyance, awe, amazement. He couldn't have known he was doing it, he'd slap himself on the wrist and stop himself if he did know. Mondo was a demanding and powerful man, you could tell just by looking at him. He demanded the attention of any room he walked into, which of course was why Kiyotaka was the only one staring. Kiyotaka couldn't tell how he felt, but he must have hated him, right? Mondo would plague his thoughts like an infection, there were so many things wrong with him.

Mondo was a rule-breaker, which was a large problem encompassing smaller problems. He dressed sloppily, talked sloppily, he was a criminal. He would carry weapons and whiskey and drugs, hard and soft. Kiyotaka had once snatched a cigarette straight from his mouth, after the biker had been particularly teasing. The taller was, of course, shocked at first, though his expression hardened into a smirk before long. "Bold-ass. Take a puff, man." Mondo chuckled, the noise low, sounding like a bat hitting a fence. "It might help you chill the fuck out." Kiyotaka didn't do that. He threw the cigarette in the trash, glaring at Mondo the whole time, giving him another detention slip. The biker had easily gotten detention more than anyone Kiyotaka had ever known. Smoking on school grounds was the most common cause, though it wasn't the only one; Vandalism and fights weren't just ignored. Mondo would waltz into the near-empty classroom used for detention littered with bruises, his knuckles split and sometimes still bleeding. Kiyotaka could admire his physical strength to an extent, though he wished the biker would use it for good.

It was no secret that Kiyotaka was the target of bullying throughout most of his life. Maybe not quite bullying, more so teasing, definitely just teasing. Nothing that could seriously hurt him, nothing that qualified as harassment. What even is harassment? Can boys be harassed? If boys pull on little girls pigtails because they like her, what does it mean when boys drenched his locker in cat piss?

Showing up at school one day, he found a flower adorning his desk in a small, delicate looking vase. Nothing mentally scarring, not harassment, not bullying, just light teasing. All just teasing. Mondo had seen it. Kiyotaka didn't move it all class, and Mondo had stared at it (and in turn, Kiyotaka himself) all class. Maybe Mondo put it there, maybe he wanted a bigger reaction. He wouldn't be getting one. If he really thought Kiyotaka would express any grief or sadness for himself, for what he was going through, then he didn't understand Kiyotaka. He didn't know what Kiyotaka had been through. The biker never mentioned it, if it was him. It's fine. It never really mattered. Of course it never mattered. Kiyotaka would make something good out of it, like he always did.

"Makoto?"

"Hm?" The brunette turned to Kiyotaka, looking up into his eyes. _Look at his nose._ "What's up, Ishimaru?" Of course, Ishimaru, not Kiyotaka. Of course, cause Makoto- Naegi- wasn't really his friend. _Note to self- try and use last names from now on._

"I would like to know if I could plant this in one of the Gardening Committee's plots." Naegi looked down from Kiyotaka's face to his hands, holding the small vase. He looked a little confused, but soon made an _oh_ expression. "I would like to salvage it, if I can."

Naegi gently took the flower from him. "Don't worry, I'll take care of it, I know a plot I can sneak it into." Kiyotaka was about to thank him and leave, but the brunette continued. "I'm really sorry Leon did that, I think maybe since he's a transfer, he doesn't really understand what it means. Still, I'm really sorry." Naegi isn't stupid, though. Not as stupid as Kyoko likes to pretend. Leon might not have known, but every other kid in class did. Anyone could have told him what it meant. Anyone could have asked him to do it. Anyone could have stopped it. It wasn't a romantic gesture- Leon had a girlfriend, which Naegi also knew. It was bullying- a little worse than teasing. It was a little worse than teasing, and Kiyotaka had his suspicions on who told Leon what it meant.

"Owada," Kiyotaka called, upon entering the classroom. "Step into the hall. I want to speak with you." The biker looked up from his conversation with, of course, Leon, as well as Hina and Sayaka. He looked back at them and asked what looked like _wait, can he do that?_ before following Kiyotaka out, as said moral compass had asked.

"What's this about?" He asked, another cigarette dangling from his mouth. Same as usual.

"The school has a strict no-bullying policy," Kiyotaka began, taking a deep breath. Mondo quirked up his eyebrow, as if to ask _what does that have to do with me?_ "I have reason to believe you instructed Kuwata to place that flower on my desk earlier."

Mondo didn't look necessarily surprised, though his eyebrows did raise slightly. "Ya think it was me? He could've done it on his own."

"While it's possible, he's a transfer student," Kiyotaka explains, "he wouldn't understand the meaning. Someone would have had to tell him what it means, or tell him directly to do it. It could only have been you."

"Only me, huh?" Mondo glares at him, and Kiyotaka tries to look him in the eyes, to meet that level of intimidation, but he slinks back into just looking at Mondo's nose. He can feel his cheeks burning, and he isn't sure if he's flustered from Mondo looking at him or if he's embarrassed. His voice is like driving over gravel. "Couldn't have been anyone else? Not even his, y'know, _girlfriend,_ Sayaka?"

"Sayaka- Maizono is not the type to do something like that."

"Oooh, first name basis?"

"But you-"

"She's my friend, _Ishimaru,_ of course I can call her that." Mondo smiles like he's won something. It was an honest mistake, on Kiyotaka's part. More teasing. "You secretly fucking Sayaka or something?"

"No! Heavens, no!" Kiyotaka yells, his volume involuntarily raising. "I would never do that! Especially not with a woman who's already in a relationship, that's awful!" His face continues to burn as he regains control of his volume. Of course Mondo would derail the conversation in such a vulgar way. "I have no interest in Maizono, or any women, for that matter!"

Kiyotaka only understood the error in his wording after the sentence had already left his mouth. "You're like that, then," Mondo reasons, chuckling to himself. Kiyotaka didn't mean it like that. He wasn't like that, was he? "Look, I'm not gay," Mondo starts, taking the cigarette out of his mouth, "and unless you want people finding out you are, I suggest you leave me the hell alone." The cigarette drops to the floor and Mondo promptly crushes it under his boot. "So what if a few people want you to off yourself? It's a fucking prank, man. Get over it."

Of course, a prank. Teasing. Light bullying. Surely usage of blackmail (that Kiyotaka wasn't even sure was true or not) didn't qualify as harassment. Mondo disappears back into the classroom and Kiyotaka is alone in the hallway, except for his thoughts. He feels so small. He feels like he's back in elementary school again, being shoved in the dirt for something he can't control. His last name, liking men. He does like men, doesn't he? He'd never even thought about it before, but he didn't lie to Mondo. He has no interest in women. There's no euphoria in the realization, he's too caught up in not only hating himself, but hating the people who made him hate himself. His grandfather, his bullies, Leon, Mondo. Hate is such a strong word and Kiyotaka doesn't know if he's even felt it before, but god, now he hates everything. He storms back into the classroom and Mondo isn't seated- he doesn't need to be. The room smells like cat piss.

Kiyotaka punches Mondo in the cheek.

It's the first time he's thrown a punch, a real punch, meant to hurt. Sure, he's sparred a few times, but he never had the intention of hurting. It felt good, though. It felt nice, feeling his rage course through him into the single punch. He's on fire as Mondo stumbles back, he's proud, he knows how strong he is. Kendo practice pays off. Leon lets out a loud curse and jumps back, Sayaka pretends she's not recording, Junko lets out a sickening cackle. Everyone is staring. Mondo is bleeding, he's wiping the blood away from his nose. Kiyotaka wonders, for a second, how badly Mondo will hurt him in return, before deciding to not give Mondo the chance. The hall monitor punches him again, as hard as he can, and the biker falls back onto the floor. _Don't stop, don't stop._ It feels incredible, slamming his fists into Mondo. Most of it isn't even meant for Mondo, it's meant for everyone. Mondo is a placeholder. Somewhere along the line things go wrong.

Mondo catches a spare punch and uses it to his advantage, flipping Kiyotaka to be on the bottom. Isn't it funny, how much a bad fight has in common with sex? It doesn't feel good anymore, though. The prefect hurts all over. He starts blacking out, the more Mondo hits him, his nose most be a fountain and he's sure he lost a tooth. He can't stop crying, it hurts so, so bad. Kiyotaka is a lucky man, though, for the first time in his life, and someone pulls Mondo off of him. Kiyotaka can't see his saviour and he can't see the person grabbing his arm and dragging him away. There's a black haze, total darkness, the nurses office.

Yasuhiro is there, Mondo is there, and Mondo's friends are there. They're all fawning over him. He did so good sticking up for himself, after all. It's ironic, Kiyotaka is the one who really stood up for himself, but no one will see it that way. Why would they? Kiyotaka tries to push himself up, but there's a hand on his chest that stops him. "Sorry man," Yasuhiro starts, "can't get up yet." Kiyotaka turns to the biker, finding him staring again. At the flower on his desk. At Kiyotaka himself.

"Can I call my father?" He's asking Yasuhiro, but he still looks at Mondo. Always looking at Mondo, and Mondo is finally looking back. Why does that make him happy?

"School already tried," the older explains, "home phone went to message, cell phone was disconnected or something. Did he get a new phone?" Hina steps in front of Mondo's eyes and all of a sudden they aren't staring anymore. "Well, I guess that's not important. Hey, you shouldn't have your neck like that for too long, y'know, you'll get a crick."

Kiyotaka forces himself to look up to the tiled ceiling before attempting to rise again. "I'm going home," he states simply, ignoring Yasuhiro. He tries to crawl out of the bed, but is stopped by pain searing through him. He hisses and falls back uselessly, Yasuhiro once again placing his hand on his chest. _You need to stay here._ "I need to go home."

"Sorry dude," Yasuhiro whispers, and he sounds actually concerned. It's the first time anyone has been concerned for him in months, possibly ever. He barely recognizes the tone. "I know today has been rough. You gotta at least rest for a while, though, you can't just up and leave. Tsumiki thinks Monod might have bruised your ribs, or one of them. Something like that. Point is, you need to chill." The prefect groans and lets his head fall uselessly against the wax paper on the stiff medical bed. He winces at the feeling- god, his head hurts. "Uh, technically no one is supposed to be in here except you and Mondo. You weren't waking up for a while, though, so I wanted to stay and make sure you were okay..." He turns slightly to Mondo's little fanclub. "...They just followed me."

"You all need to leave," Kiyotaka says, completely straight-laced and unsurprised. It's his job to. He closes his eyes and tries to ignore the noise all around him, which proves to actually be incredibly difficult. He can hear Yasuhiro trying to usher the other students out, though, and their voices get quieter and quieter as they say their goodbyes. The lights are switched off, Kiyotaka can tell even with his eyes closed. There's shuffling, and when Kiyotaka opens his eyes again, Mondo is leaning overtop of him. He looks disappointed. For the first time since Kiyotaka has known him, Mondo looks like he's going to cry. "Are you going to finish what you started?" Kiyotaka asks, and Mondo looks like he's been shot.

"I'm sorry," Mondo whispers, and he sounds so different, his voice isn't low or gravelly, it sounds pitifully weak. He sounds genuine. He sounds honest. He sounds like he tore the apology straight from his heart and Kiyotaka still needs to hold back a laugh because he doesn't believe him.

"What exactly are you sorry for?" Kiyotaka asks, and he can't stop the sarcastic laughter from spilling out between his words. "For telling me to kill myself? Insulting me for liking men, which I didn't even know was true? Beating me to where I can't even get out of this bed? What, exactly, are you sorry for, Owada?!" Yelling like he does, it feels liberating. He's never been so angry before, he always solved things without a hassle. Not right now though. He doesn't hate Mondo but he does, at the same time, he hates him so strongly and his heart is cracking in half as he screams. "Are you actually sorry you hit me, or are you sorry your friends saw you get punched? Are you sorry for telling me to kill myself? Are you sad I didn't? Is that why you nearly beat me half to death, because I could've just done it myself, Mondo!" Mondo wants to respond, but Kiyotaka isn't going to let him. "Are you upset that your actions finally have consequences and you can't just breeze through life, destroying everything in your path?! What, pray tell, are you _fucking_ sorry for?!"

Mondo looks incredibly taken aback, a tear rolling down his cheek as he looks at the prefect with wide eyes. "All of it," he finally whispers, his voice smooth and soft. It would be nice to listen to in a different place, at a better time. "I'm sorry for all of it, man, I thought I killed you. I shouldn't have done any of it, I had no damn right. Telling you to kill yourself, making fun of you, beating you up, it was all wrong, all of it, and I'm so sorry." More tears fall as he gets on his knees, and lets his elbows rest on the bed. Kiyotaka thinks for a second that he might be the only person to have ever seen Mondo cry. "I'm so jealous of you man, I'm so fucking jealous of you. You always stand up for what you believe in, you don't take shit from anyone and- and, I mean, aside from today, you never really fight anyone, y'know, you can always just solve shit, and like- sort things out, and not get pissed off." Mondo sniffles and looks away, so obviously ashamed of himself. He should be, frankly. "I don't know if you're actually gay," Mondo confesses, "I just started saying all that shit to- to piss you off, yeah? I- I lied, about, y'know, not liking guys, so... you can make fun of me back if you want."

Kiyotaka is frozen. "That... that was a lot," he manages after a second, and Mondo looks like he's going to apologize again, so the prefect continues before he can. "I don't- I don't know if I forgive you, not entirely. What you did was wrong, plain and simple, and jealousy isn't- it's not an excuse." He pauses for breath. "Those things you listed, they're true, but they aren't admirable."

"They are to me," Mondo whispers, and it's very sweet, but Kiyotaka is still pretty mad at him.

He ignores the praise. "I didn't actually know I liked men until you said that to me, so thank you, I guess. I would've liked a less painful realization. I didn't lie to you, I have no interest in women." He pauses again, breathing. It hurts with the bruised ribs. Talking hurts. "I'm not going to make fun of you in return, as much a I would honestly like to. I think it's better for both of us if we put this behind us, and move on."

The biker considers it, wiping his eyes. "I don't know if I can do that, honestly. I don't wanna go back to how I was treating you," he admits. "This was kinda eye opening for me, y'know? I just... don't wanna be that person anymore. I wanna make it up to you. You didn't deserve what I did to you and I'm so, so sorry."

Kiyotaka still doesn't know if he wants to forgive him. "Let's just... start over, then."

"Like... act like we never met?"

"Sure, I suppose that would work."

Mondo gulps and straightens himself. "Well, uh, I'm Owada Mondo, the Ultimate Biker Gang Leader, and it's- uh, it's nice to meet you." The hall monitor can tell that the taller isn't used to greetings like that, but it's significantly better than his first one. _Nice to fuckin' meetcha._ "You can just call me Mondo, though." He's trying already, and the minimal effort that goes into introducing himself without a swear is appreciated by the raven. It's an olive branch, and Kiyotaka tentatively reaches for it.

"It's nice to meet you as well, I'm Ishimaru Kiyotaka, the Ultimate Moral Compass. I believe in bold... simplicity..." He trails off. It feels wrong, almost, saying his old rehearsed introduction to Mondo. It feels uneeded. "You can call me Taka. It's nice to meet you."

Mondo smiles slightly at him, and it's nothing like Kiyotaka's ever seen before. It's so genuine, it's so honest, it's straight from his heart and Kiyotaka isn't laughing this time. He's not making fun of the raven, he's not being snarky or rude, he's just... genuinely happy. "I'd like to be your friend, Taka."

Kiyotaka doesn't know if he forgives him, but if Mondo is willing to amend, he can try.

"I'd like that."

________________

Things start to get better after that.

Mondo talks to him and walks with him in the halls. He's nicer, he doesn't make fun of Kiyotaka anymore. He doesn't carry drugs or weapons or whiskey, he doesn't get detention, he doesn't talk back. He's like a completely different person. Obviously the shift in behaviour drew attention to the two, but if the prefect was being honest, he didn't completely care. He had a friend now, who really, actually cared about him, and who cared about being a good person. Mondo's mere presence as a good force rather than a bad one had improved his life almost overnight.

"Look, I don't know what happened with you and Mondo, but it's weird." Leon had said that to him once, Sayaka standing by, like a parent keeping an eye on their child. Kiyotaka almost felt bad for her. "I don't know why he's being all buddy-buddy with you, but you need to stop hanging out. You're like, ruining him."

"Hanging out with me was his idea," the hall monitor explains, sighing heavily. "If you don't trust him enough to make his own friends, then maybe you should consider yourself before disrespecting me and Mondo's friendship, Kuwata."

"What the hell are you guys talking about?"

At the sound of Mondo's voice, Leon backed off, scoffing, and Sayaka looked to Kiyotaka like she was sorry for his behaviour. It was polite of her at the least, even if it really meant nothing. Mondo approached Kiyotaka with his eyebrows raised, looking like he wanted to ask what happened. Kiyotaka simply shook his head- it didn't matter, it wasn't important. Mondo's the only person or thing who's important, and Kiyotaka is finally starting to realize how he really feels. He doesn't hate Mondo at all. Quite the opposite actually, Kiyotaka loved him, wholly and completely. He didn't know how to express this, why would he? He'd never felt it before, all he knew was that he truly did love Mondo. The biker was always in his thoughts. If Kiyotaka had any less common sense, he would have leaned over and kissed Mondo right then. He would've reached for his hand. He would've done anything. He didn't, though. All he did was stare. A lifetime spent staring and he found someone who would stare back with the same admiration, awe, adoration. _I really really like you._

Celestia corners him in the hallway. It's intentional, she leans into him, and Kiyotaka isn't claustrophobic but he sure can understand why people are. She isn't close enough for him to feel her breath, but if she get's closer he surely could. "I have something I'd like to ask you," she states, and before the raven can reply she's already continued. "I've noticed you and Owada becoming rather close lately. Is there any reason for that, _Ishimaru?"_

She spits his last name with all the venom it's earned over the past decade. Kiyotaka gulps before attempting to respond. "There's no particular reason, no. After our fight, we had a talk and agreed to start over and be nicer to each other. It's worked out splendidly, honestly." He smiles at the mere thought. "Is there any reason you wanted to know, Ludenberg?"

"Please, call me Celeste," she chuckles, somehow getting closer. He's not going to touch her and he's definitely not going to push her off, she knows that. Don't put your hands on other students. At most he'll politely tell her to back up a little bit. He does try to, but she cuts him off before her can even start speaking. "I surely do hope it was just a chat you two were having, not something else. Kuwata was using some rather vulgar language in regards to your little _friendship_ earlier." Celeste smiles as she says this, but there's no joy in it. It's a wicked smile, one meant to hide malice. "I simply had to ask about it, you must understand. Though, I'm not surprised- surely, someone as morally correct as yourself would understand that doing those things is wrong. And doing them with another man, at that."

Kiyotaka must be visibly uncomfortable as Celeste presses their thighs together. He's still not entirely sure if boys can be harassed, but this must be it. There was no way this was still just teasing or bullying. "Mondo's gender has no say in the matter, those things shouldn't be done on school grounds no matter who it is. I wouldn't break that rule."

"First name basis," Celeste whispers, seemingly to herself, before chuckling. "You are not as moral as you think you are." She says it, and Kiyotaka feels like he's been punched in the ribs all over again. It almost feels worse than when Mondo actually did it. "Those kinds of things, they should only happen between girls and boys. You were taught that, no?" She states it like an obvious fact, something that can't and shouldn't be disputed. "It's never okay for two boys to do those things, ever. You must understand that. And if not, something should be done about it."

"Celeste, I am not-"

What he's saying, about to say, doesn't matter. Celeste grabs Kiyotaka by his collar and smashes their lips together. He freezes in place, his first kiss is gone and her tongue is roughly prodding at his lips. She never gets it inside, since Kiyotaka is pulled away harshly by someone else, by Mondo. He's dragged into the closest men's room he could be and even though Mondo lets him down gently, he still tumbles down to the floor, dry heaving onto it. He tries his best to apologize, but all that comes out is sputtered words and spit. He needs to apologize though, for some reason, he needs to. He can hear a faucet running and Mondo hands him a wet paper towel, the smell not helping his predicament. Mondo rubs his back softly, offering the smallest comfort as Kiyotaka wipes his mouth, trying his hardest to keep himself together and not _actually vomit._

"I'm so sorry," the raven coughs, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry-"

"Stop fuckin' apologizing!" Mondo shouts, and Kiyotaka flinches. The biker lets out a large sigh, lowering his volume. "I'm not mad, I promise I ain't mad at you. I saw her do that, that's not fucking okay, I'm pissed off at her. I ain't mad at you but I'm pissed off at her, I- fuck, are you okay? Do you need to puke for real? I can help you into a stall, why did she do that, fuck-"

"Mondo," the prefect starts, the wet paper towel still held to his mouth. "I'm okay, I promise. I don't still need to puke, I promise. It- it was just a kiss, Mondo, it's really okay."

"It doesn't matter that it was 'just a kiss!' She shouldn't have laid a damn hand on you, she shouldn't have fucking-" Mondo cuts himself off, breathing for a second. He's seething, even if he's trying to stay calm, he's absolutely infuriated. "What else did she do? What did she say, did she touch you anywhere else?"

"No, Mondo-" Kiyotaka breathes, tries his best to catch his breath. "She just- she was asking about you, or us, us together, she thought we'd done inappropriate things in the nurses office, and she was saying boys should never do things like that, and she- she kissed me." Mondo looks like he's ready to murder Celeste, even if he would never really hit a girl. "Mondo, it doesn't matter, she just doesn't get it, okay? It was just a kiss, it's okay, I promise it's okay. It really doesn't matter."

"It does fucking matter," Mondo growls, really growls. "She has no fucking right to do that, especially not to my boyfriend."

Record scratch. Freeze frame.

"Mondo?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you just call me your boyfriend?"

"Did I just- SHIT!" Mondo looks as surprised as Kiyotaka feels. "I mean, just, you're not my boyfriend, but like, you're a boy! And you're my friend!" The taller flails his arms as he explains, and Kiyotaka has to stop himself from giggling at the behaviour. Mondo looks as nervous as he could possibly be in that moment, and the yelling isn't helping his case. "We aren't- we're not dating, yeah? We're just friends! Just bros, just two dudes, and we're friends, and- and-"

Mondo struggles with his words. "Mondo," Kiyotaka begins, causing the other to calm down. "Do you have... romantic feelings? For me?" The hall monitor can practically see the gears turning in Mondo's head, but...

"Yeah," he finally states, "yeah, I do."

Kiyotaka had never hugged anyone so fast.

**Author's Note:**

> i was so not excited to type up the behemoth lmao


End file.
